Monday, November 29, 2010

I need a camera

Right now the only camera I have is the one on my iphone. I really want a camera but I don't know what kind to buy. I have no camera knowledge. Does anyone have a suggestion for a good camera that isn't too expensive. To me, too expensive is above $500. I only need a point and shoot. I would love to have a digital with lenses but that is out of my price range right now.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I may be going crazy

It is 1am and I am halfway done with my Constitutional Law briefs. I started at 9. That means it has taken me 4 hours to write half of the briefs I am supposed to have finished by 11am tomorrow. By that time table I should be finished writing at 5am. I have to be up by 8. Ohhhhhh boy. It's my own fault. I procrastinated so I could get other things done and still relax. Now I have no time to relax. When will I learn?

Updated: Got an A :)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A secret

I think a lot of people thought I would be far away doing "important things" at this time of my life. They're always surprised to hear how close I live to home. The reason I stay close is because of my grandma. She's 86, has Alzheimer's and lives in a nursing home. She loves having visitors. We don't have any family out here. It's just me, my mom, my sister, and my dad. Those are the only people who can visit with her. She has done so much for me. I can't move far away and leave her. I have a responsibility to take care of her and to help her. Nothing is more important than making sure the end of her life is the best that I can make it.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I've been doing really well.
(It's easy to be ok when everything is going smoothly.)
Then I hit a bump which jarred me.
I am shaken up and unsure.
I can't find my way.
And you're not here to help me.
I miss my friend.

I'm a little lost right now and it's a little scary. Before when this happened I had one person I wasn't scared to go to for help. One. I trusted him completely and I never was afraid he would judge me- sometimes I felt like he did judge me but I was never afraid to tell him anything. That is the key phrase. I wasn't afraid. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of wonderful and amazing friends but there is always something I hold back for fear of judgement. Maybe this is something I have to learn. Maybe I have to learn how to make myself ok. I just don't want to.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

My brain hurts

I psych myself out a lot. I over think and over analyze everything. I also have a problem with doubting my knowledge and "smarts." I feel like I can never know anything for sure because there is so much to know. For example, I am supposed to be writing a research paper about the causes of the India- Pakistan war of 1947. There are so many! And each of those causes has another smaller cause. Oh, and I also have a problem with procrastinating. This paper is due on Friday and I am just now getting to it. On Sunday. Now some may say 5 days is plenty of time to write a paper. Not for me! I am so overwhelmed with the amount of information I have to take into account. Not to mention the self doubting and the over analyzing. I feel like this is so huge and there is no way I can condense it down to 12-15 pages without blowing off a lot of information. Not to mention my lack of "smarts."

I loathe writing research papers.

Friday, November 12, 2010

I've been striking out in the dating game lately. The last guy who asked me out ended up in jail. A good friend of mine has done internet dating and it's worked out well for her. I'm thinking about signing up for Actually, I started filling out my profile. I just need to get up the courage to push the submit button. Has anyone else tried Internet dating?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Romeo and Juliet by Edwin Mccain

See love struck Romeo
hit the street on a serenade
and he’s laying everybody low
with a love song that he made
he finds a streetlight
steps out of the shade
says something like
"you and me baby how about it?"
Juliet’s gonna say
"hey it's Romeo
you nearly gimme a heart attack"
he's underneath my window she's singing
"hey la my boyfriend's back"
you shouldn't come around here
singing up to people like that
well anyway
what you gonna do about it?
when we made love you used to cry
you said you love me like
the stars above you’d love me till you died
Well there's a place
for us
and you know the movie song
when you gonna realize
it was just that the time was wrong?

we both came up on different streets
they both were streets of shame
both dirty
both mean
and the dream was just the same
and I dreamed your dream for you
and now your dream is real
how can you look at me as if
I was just another one of your deals?
Oh no you can fall for chains of silver
you can fall for chains of gold
you can fall for pretty strangers
and the promises they hold
you promised me everything you know
you promised me thick and thin
Now you say "oh Romeo
yeah I used to have a scene with him"
Oh Juliet
when we made love you used to cry
used to swear
like the stars above well you’d love me till the day that we died
Well there's a place
for us
you know the movie song
when you gonna realize
it was just that the time was wrong?

I can't do the talk
like they talk on TV
and I can't do a love song
like the way it's meant to be
I can't do everything
but I'd do anything for you
Juliet all I can do
is be in love with you
And all I do is miss
you and the way we used to be
all I do is keep the beat
in this rock n roll company
all I do is kiss you
through the bars of a rhyme
Juliet I'd do the stars with you
any time

Oh Juliet
when we made love you used to cry
used to swear like
the stars above well you’d love me till the day that we died
there's a place
for us
you know the movie song
when you gonna realize
it was just that the time was wrong?

This song is just the right mixture of beautiful and bittersweet.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I will by the Beatles

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to, I will.

For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart.

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know, I will
I will.