Thursday, May 26, 2011

A lazy dreamy....thursday morning?

Sleeping in, reading in bed, having time to make a leisurely breakfast. Those are all elements of a great Sunday but I am having my Sunday on Thursday. I love being able to wake up slowly, reach over and crack open a book. Take a long hot shower. Enjoy a cup of green tea by the open window and feel the fresh crisp breeze roll over me. I noticed today that steel cut oats with a little honey have just the slightest hint of sweetness. I much prefer that to the loud processed sugar overtones typical breakfasts have.

I started the first book in The Hunger Games trilogy and so far I love it. I wish I didn't have to work so I could devour the book in one day.

I hope your Thursday is just as lovely.


Monday, May 9, 2011

I've recently discovered will power

Oh hello there.

I notice that I am kind of a downer on here. I promise that doesn't reflect who I am in real life. I am quite the ray of sun shine. I guess I don't really believe the day to day awesomeness is really that interesting to anyone. It's just my life. Also, I tend to embrace the darkness. I feel that in dark low down depths of your soul is where true revelation comes from. By embracing and expressing those feelings you express the essence of yourself. I create best when it comes from a place of anguish. The pain lets me know how deeply I can feel. Wow, I am rather intense. Story of my life :)

I've been switching things up in my world. I got tired of living with a state of perpetual exhaustion so I sought out a naturopath for help. I've cleaned up my diet by incorporating more real food. I have cut out all processed sugar, dairy, white flour, white rice, and potatoes. Basically all the white food groups. I've also been moving more and making a choice to exercise. I've always found it hard because the things I most enjoy are reading and watching movies which are stationary activities. I've also been taking better care of myself by eating breakfast, keeping snacks with me so I eat when I'm hungry instead of going without, and eating more vegetables. It has been painful and hard but I am starting to see the results after 3 weeks. I've lost 11lbs (woot woot), I don't feel as tired throughout the day, I'm not nauseous in the mornings, and I have fewer headaches. I still want chocolate though....badly, like right now.

My naturopath has also prescribed me UNDA drops. I had never heard of them before. You can read about them here: (I'm too lazy to look up how to make the link clickable. If someone wants to tell me how I'm totally open to it). She also gave me a tincture. It tastes absolutely terrible. It is supposed to get my pituitary gland talking to my ovaries correctly because I have some messed up hormones. I'm also drinking 100 ounces of water a day. Really though, I don't keep track. I just drink water constantly. I have noticed that I have to pee way more often which makes me believe I have successfully upped my water intake.

It is nearing the point in the school term that everything is due and I can not wait for summer to get here. I just finished writing a biography of Thich Nhat Hanh and he is currently inspiring me. I checked out a whole bunch of books about him from the school library. I wasn't able to read all of them before I wrote my paper but I am reading them now. I find such inspiration and peace when I read his writing.

Well there is my normal catch up on my life story. That wasn't too bad. Maybe one of these days I'll fix up the old blog layout.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Ants marching

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
~C.S. Lewis

I'm afraid of a lot of things but the thing I'm most afraid of is becoming like this quote. Sometimes I think I'm odd for enjoying my alone time. That I should stay at work after my shift and hang out with my coworkers who drink until the early morning.

I have a coworker friend who went through a really rough time. He was crying out for people to help him. We had several really intense talks and I felt like we really bonded. Now that his situation has resolved itself he doesn't seek me out anymore. I look in his eyes and I can see his guard is up. There is something else there in his eyes that keeps me at a distance. I feel a wall between us. I don't know why it's there. I don't know what changed. I really miss him.