Monday, June 28, 2010

When did I begin to not be able to put sentences together?

I am back at my mom's house. Fortunately it is only temporary (This is not like the last time. This time I mean it!). I rented a storage unit and stuffed all of my non essential stuff in there. My future roommate came down with his son to help me move. It was so nice not to have to do the heavy lifting. I guess that's why God invented boys.

It felt so good to move. I haven't been able to move around a lot for almost two months because of my back. I was so tired and sweaty but I felt alive. I felt my muscles stretch and contract. I was sweating all over the place and it felt so good. I had taken my body and what it does for granted before I injured my back. Now I want to test it. I want to see what else this body of mine can do. I want to be strong. After moving I walked on the treadmill for a half an hour. I feel so good. I'm going to do more walking. Maybe even some running. Future roommate is going to show me how to strength train. I can't wait.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Big sigh

*I want to get out of this situation with as much grace as possible.

*I know that I am not in the wrong and that she has a guilty conscious.

*I know that I am better off at my moms house temporarily than in this house with a strange guy who I don't feel safe around.

*I will try my best to not talk about this situation with the people I work with.

*I need to get a different job.

*I will never speak to her or him again. She is not repentant for her actions. She doesn't see and will not admit that she is in the wrong at all. I don't need her in my life.

*I am so thankful I have amazing family and friends who will help me.

My roommate started moving in her boyfriend today. She never told me. I'm moving out by this week hopefully.

I re-injured my back again so now I'm stuck in bed....again

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31.30

*picture from the blog My Teacups in Peony

Sunday, June 6, 2010

This is so far past the level of acceptable

I am Upset. I found out today through a coworker that my roommate's boyfriend is moving into our apartment on the 16th. I had no idea this was happening. My roommate did not ask me if I was ok with this. She didn't even tell me this was happening. I'm not completely surprise though. He has been practically living here since they started dating. I told her twice I wasn't comfortable with him being here so often and she ignored me both times. I don't know what to do about this most recent development. Can I do anything about it? I'm planning on moving out as soon as I can find a place. Should I just let this go? Can the property management company do anything about this? Should I contact them? I'm so disappointed, hurt, confused, and upset.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Myers-Briggs Personality Test

I've been wanting to take this test for a long time. I found out that I am ISFJ. I am Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging. Something that stuck out to me was this "ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles." It is so true! I am so much more comfortable in a supporting role. It feels nice to have that validation. Oh, and I'm apparently often taken for granted. I'm just going to post the results here because it really is a window into my inner world.

The Nurturer

As an ISFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you takes things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.

ISFJs live in a world that is concrete and kind. They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best.

ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occured, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ.

ISFJs have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value security and kindness, and respect traditions and laws. They tend to believe that existing systems are there because they work. Therefore, they're not likely to buy into doing things in a new way, unless they're shown in a concrete way why its better than the established method.

ISFJs learn best by doing, rather than by reading about something in a book, or applying theory. For this reason, they are not likely to be found in fields which require a lot of conceptual analysis or theory. They value practical application. Traditional methods of higher education, which require a lot of theorizing and abstraction, are likely to be a chore for the ISFJ. The ISFJ learns a task best by being shown its practical application. Once the task is learned, and its practical importance is understood, the ISFJ will faithfully and tirelessly carry through the task to completion. The ISFJ is extremely dependable.

The ISFJ has an extremely well-developed sense of space, function, and aesthetic appeal. For that reason, they're likely to have beautifully furnished, functional homes. They make extremely good interior decorators. This special ability, combined with their sensitivity to other's feelings and desires, makes them very likely to be great gift-givers - finding the right gift which will be truly appreciated by the recipient.

More so than other types, ISFJs are extremely aware of their own internal feelings, as well as other people's feelings. They do not usually express their own feelings, keeping things inside. If they are negative feelings, they may build up inside the ISFJ until they turn into firm judgments against individuals which are difficult to unseed, once set. Many ISFJs learn to express themselves, and find outlets for their powerful emotions.

Just as the ISFJ is not likely to express their feelings, they are also not likely to let on that they know how others are feeling. However, they will speak up when they feel another individual really needs help, and in such cases they can truly help others become aware of their feelings.

The ISFJ feels a strong sense of responsibility and duty. They take their responsibilities very seriously, and can be counted on to follow through. For this reason, people naturally tend to rely on them. The ISFJ has a difficult time saying "no" when asked to do something, and may become over-burdened. In such cases, the ISFJ does not usually express their difficulties to others, because they intensely dislike conflict, and because they tend to place other people's needs over their own. The ISFJ needs to learn to identify, value, and express their own needs, if they wish to avoid becoming over-worked and taken for granted.

ISFJs need positive feedback from others. In the absence of positive feedback, or in the face of criticism, the ISFJ gets discouraged, and may even become depressed. When down on themselves or under great stress, the ISFJ begins to imagine all of the things that might go critically wrong in their life. They have strong feelings of inadequacy, and become convinced that "everything is all wrong", or "I can't do anything right".

The ISFJ is warm, generous, and dependable. They have many special gifts to offer, in their sensitivity to others, and their strong ability to keep things running smoothly. They need to remember to not be overly critical of themselves, and to give themselves some of the warmth and love which they freely dispense to others.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hearts are tricky

I would never hurt you. Not even to kiss it better.

I tried so hard after they left to make my heart hard. And now you have undone all my hard work.

I found the above quotes over at a great blog called I Wrote This For You

They are really sticking with me right now. I keep coming back to read them.

Today is day 3 without coffee. I miss it! I've had to work at 5:30 am the past three days in a row with 4 hours of sleep each night. It's been really difficult to go without my jolt in the morning. I'm very proud of myself though. I have never had this much self control which is evidence to me that I am not doing this by myself.