My last Thursday

I am overwhelmed with emotion today. I've been working as a childcare provider at a domestic violence outreach center for a year and a half. I watch children ages birth-12. Watching the children doesn't really describe what I do. I talk to them, get to know them, help them with homework, play with them, listen to their boy troubles, listen to their family troubles. I feel like they are all my little brothers and sisters. I enjoy them so much. Today was my last day there. I am so sad. They had a party for me. The parents gave me a card they had written expressing their appreciation for what I do. I will treasure that card forever.

When the kids left they all gave me hugs and told me they would miss me. Then we had a giant bear hug. They are all such amazing and resilient children. I know what they have been through and to see they still have so much love for people is amazing. Everyone keeps saying how much I've done for them but the truth is they've done so much more for me. They've taught me how to be patient when I'm exhausted. I am going to miss them so much. I can't imagine not seeing their faces every week. I hope they know how amazing they are and how much I love them.

I made cloth napkins today! I've sewn maybe 4 times in my life. I can sew by hand just fine but machines intimidate me. It made me feel really accomplished. I was so happy when I finished. My napkins are super awesome gold and green 70's colored. They are going to be fabulous with my pink plates :) Thank you to my great friend Lacy who taught me how to make them and let me use her machine. I can't believe I just discovered my love for sewing and now I'm moving away from her.

Speaking of moving away. Today is my last week at the center. I do childcare 2 days a week for a domestic violence support group. I've been there for a year and a half. I love these kids so much. It kills me to say goodbye to them. I can't imagine not seeing them every week and talking to them about their lives. They are such special people. I hope they know that.

Daily truth

Sometimes it just sneaks up on you, Anna, doesn't it? You don't even see it coming. Suddenly and without warning, you're surrounded by the best friends you've ever known. You're waking up in the mornings just "dying" to get into the day. There's a lightness in your step and a gleam in your eye. Your thinking is new, your laughter frequent, and you're drawn to tears whenever you hear happy tales. You're on a roll, so it's not like you're thinking about it, but if you were to think about it, you wouldn't know what's gotten into you, nor would you recall just when. You'd only shake your head whenever you thought of how quickly everything can change...

Just something to remember the next time you don't see something coming.

By the way, you row my oars -
The Universe

via: http://www.tut.com/theclub/

Unplugged

I deleted my Facebook account today. It was just causing so much turmoil for me. We have too many friends in common. I'm not going to ask my friends to delete him or delete my friends. That wouldn't be fair. This is the way I know I'll never have to look at pictures of the two of them or see a comment he leaves on my friends status. Next up is moving all my pictures from Myspace to my computer and deleting my Myspace. I don't want the memories anymore.

What do I want out of life?

I want to be challenged. I want to be pushed and stretched and made aware. I never want to stop growing. I want to learn as much as I can and experience as much as I can. I want to to see the world.

I want a love that will last through all eternity. I want to be loved for my flaws and quirks not in spite of them. I want to be a mother and a wife. I want a whole house full of kids. I want to be exhausted at the end of the day of homework, making dinner, finding lost toys and smile at my husband who is equally as tired as I. I want to watch my children grow into productive, hardworking, compassionate people.

I want to continue to live righteously and faithfully and return to my father in heaven.

Jump for joy

I am so happy. I feel so secure in my future. I know the good stuff is just around the bend. I have some of the most amazing friends in existence. Life is good.

The end

Glass by Gavin DeGraw

Fool you made the girl fall in love
you said those beautiful things
she thought you spoke things you mean

Caress her skin like it's glass
she hears your voice making plans
and sees your face in her hands

You don't wanna see somebody beg
as you feel her heart surrender
you begin to fall
How do you say that something's through
when it never even started
at least not for you

You breathe her air and you leave
you keep your mind on yourself
and lie the glass on the shelf
After the heavenly speech
your body throws holy heat
the angels sing when our eyes meet

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't true
I just wanted to make you feel good
just wanted you near
I wasn't prepared I wasn't thinking of you
that you could actually love me
it never should have started

She's dreaming back on the past
every opinion agreed
doesn't know what to believe

It must have been for a cause
our lives have so many doors
don't think about him anymore

But it was the kiss, it took me away
it's like he knew that I am fragile
he handled me like glass
and it hurts but it's what I deserve
because I should have been more careful
with the others that I handled
I should have been
I should have been
and knowing this I know
that he'll get his
but I don't want the man to suffer
oh not the way I am
because deep down I know that he's glass too
but it really doesn't matter
until it's happening to you
everybody breaks
everybody breaks
sometimes

*This is the last wallowing post I'll be making on this blog. This song is just so beautiful. It's spot on for me.