Monday, December 28, 2009

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


I have an aunt who, whenever she poured anything for you, she would say “say when.” My aunt would say “say when,” and of course, we never did. We don’t say “when” because there’s something about the possibility of more. More tequila, more love. More anything. More is better. ~Grey's Anatomy

Monday, November 30, 2009


I felt God today for the first time in a very long time.

I've been so stressed about a paper I have to do for class. I've been sick with the plague and my school work has suffered. The past two days have been filled with intense anxiety and panic attacks. Today I worked on my paper. I got a decent amount done and have a plan for finishing it. Even that didn't lessen my anxiety. I was to the point of panic.

I felt like I needed an anchor. I needed something to hold me in place or else I was going to shatter.

I logged on to search for more sources, convinced that mine weren't any good. I searched and found an article that relates perfectly. As I was reading it I felt calmness come over me and a voice said "See, it's going to be ok. I will take care of you."

And I was calm.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Love, in fire and blood

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you,
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Pablo Neruda

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda
I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

Friday, November 20, 2009

Things I do when I'm sick

1. Whine. A lot. To everyone, because what I really want is for someone to come make me some damn chicken soup. I've yet to have any takers.
2. Only drink water with ice cubes. Non ice water makes my throat hurt.
3. Eat and eat and eat. I wish I could be one of those people who waste away while ill but it's just not possible. The meter that tells me I'm full shuts down when I'm sick.
4. Take Dayquil and feel like I'm floating.
5. Don't shower. The temperature change makes my skin hurt.
6. Watch tv, all day long.
7. Nothing productive.
8. Leave my dishes in the sink, 10 water glasses around the house, and bags full of used tissues everywhere. My roomate is so lucky.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Nevermind me. I'm fine.

When I feel sad I reach for you.
Endless conversations without saying what I want.

Come to me.
My body craves you.
Lay me down. Make me breathless.
Make me forget.

So long

They let go of a great employee and person at work today. Someone who I consider not only a boss but a friend.

I think that he is too big for that place. His goals and aspirations exceed what he could ever accomplish there. I will miss him but I hope life has something greater in store. In fact, I am positive of it. He can do anything.

I'll miss you. I'll miss talking to you. I will miss having real conversations.

Take care.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Written By Mother Theresa
People are often unreasonable, illogical,
and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone
could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway

Thursday, November 12, 2009

For years she collected quotes, stories, poems.
Trying to express herself with the words of others
for her voice was stolen
with a little white pill
They call her Ariel.

and she wonders if the sparks of creativity are worth walking through fire

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

All I want is everything

I can feel it.

The itch to go.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I am 32 flavors and then some

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then someand
I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you

and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saintbut I will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

~Ani Difranco

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Thursday, November 5, 2009

tonight I could write the saddest lines

When I love, I love deep. I am the worst, the clingy, needy type.
It's because I'm used to grasping.

Holding on
accepting what I can get.

Just once I want a love that is mine. One that I wont have to hold on to.
One that will cling and shimmer and drape around me like shawl......

Something to keep me warm

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The worst thing in the world

I recently realized that all I want in life is to be a housewife. I want to make bread, can food, clean house, have kids and keep a home for my husband.

This is everything I was raised to scorn. My mother would be so horrified if she found out.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Things I wanted to say

I know your all new agey "my thoughts create my world" but you won't get skin cancer because I told you "If you keep tanning you're going to get skin cancer." You will get skin cancer by going tanning twice a week and laying out in the sun every day!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Visualize what you want and it will happen

I've been hearing a lot about visualization and making your dreams come true through putting good thoughts out there. So I'm going to do that. I'm going to believe and wish and hope with all my might and see what happens.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

A treat for all

The IT guy at work thinks I'm crazy.

I may or may not have been bored at work and googling everything I can think of and somehow got some viruses on the computer. Maybe. They fire people for "inappropriate computer usage" and I was freaking out. I call IT and the guy solves it. I'm so relieved and grateful I start blabbing at high speed. I said something like "Thankyou so much you're my favorite person ever I feel like I should send you a fruit basket I'm going to send you an Edible Arrangements like the one on the commercials that are on all the time with the carved and chocolate covered fruit!"

He said "have a nice day."

I love making people uncomfortable.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

E=MC.....I'm screwed

I forgot how much I hate math. I started back at school today with one class....intermediate algebra. Bleck. Ever since the economy went down the crapper and I lost 48% of my investments (stabba stabba) I came to the conclusion that I wont be able to live the kind of life I want to without a better job. I figure that becoming an RN would be the best career path for me. With all the elective classes I've taken I only have the science part left to do and that will take me a year and a term. Plus one of the few fields that has shown growth lately is healthcare. I figure that by completing my RN I will secure a better future for myself and be able to afford to travel. This will be my second attempt at nursing and this time I am confident that I can do it. There is no trying this time, there's just success.

Oh and I'm moving out of my mom's house. Heck freakin yes! When I moved back home I told myself this would just be temporary. Temporary turned into 2 years. I move in two weeks to a beautiful townhouse that includes landscaping in the (inexpensive) rent. Let's hope the boys who cut my grass are cute ;)