Bright Star

Bright Star

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art -
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like Nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors -
No - yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever - or else swoon to death.

~John Keats

I want...

* To connect with people on a deeper level than our similar celebrity crushes. I want to have shared beliefs, adventurous spirits, open minds, passion.

* Patience with myself.

* All the time in the world.

* To base all my actions on love.

*To be completely understood.

* Miracles.

* To be a light in this world. I want to reflect the light in others so they may see how magnificent they are.

* A larger vocabulary.

* A deep reciprocated love.

inspired by you

She pauses at the doorway and looks into the room. He is in bed correcting papers. The bedside lamp illuminates half of his face. His hair is rumpled. His glass are forgotten resting on the blanket. She loves the way his eyes sparkle in the lamplight. She walks over and sits on the bed facing him.

Her: "Can I tell you something?"

He looks at her and smiles the smile she loves. The one that makes his eyes crinkle. The smile their son has. He puts down the papers and meets her gaze

Him: "Sure"

Suddenly, she's shy so she leans in and whispers in his ear.

"You still make my heart skip a beat."

She pauses, a smile on her lips, her hand on his heart.

"And sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am."

Ira & Abby

I adore Jennifer Westfeldt so when this movie popped up on my Netflix suggestions I was eager to watch it. This movie is about two complete opposites who meet and decide to get married in a day. The movie is a study of relationships and marriage. It weaves in and out of Abby and Ira's relationship as well as the relationship of their parents. At the end of the movie you finally understand what the theme of the movie is. The stance the film takes on marriage is not one I agree with. What I took away from watching the movie was that marriage does not guarantee happiness because there are no good marriages. So why get married? Which got me to thinking about why I would get married.

Why marriage?

If we have no peace, it’s because we have forgotten that we belong to each other

I'm a little bit of a hoarder. I tend to save books I think will be really meaningful. I want to be in the right mindset to read them, to savor them. Last night before bed I finally started to read the book Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. These letters were exactly what the book is called, letters to a young poet. Rilke wrote advice to a young man who first wrote to him. The book is magnificent and the following passage struck a chord in my heart. Rilke is advising the young man on how to be a writer.

"Pretend you are the very first man and then write what you see and experience, what you love and lose. Do not write love poems, at least at first; they present the greatest challenge. It requires great, fully ripened power to produce something personal, something unique, when there are so many good and sometimes even brilliant renditions in great numbers. Beware of general themes. Cling to those that your everyday life offers you. Write about your sorrows, your wishes, your passing thoughts, your belief in anything beautiful. Describe all that with fervent, quiet, and humble sincerity. In order to express yourself, use things in your surroundings, the scenes of your dreams, and the subjects of your memory."

This passage reminds me of a scene in Little Women, when the professor is advising Jo on what to write. He says "Write what you know" I find that simple sentence very powerful. That is exactly what blogs are. They are the random things that make up a person's life. So I am taking Rilke's and the professor's advice. I am going to write what I know. All I can wish for is that it comes across on the screen.

Right now I am...

Believing: In the beauty of the individual person

Wishing: For more skill and knowledge

Seeing: Nature's beauty

Thankful for: Wonderful family and friends

This is a wall

I have this wall in my house. It started out blank and I'm slowly filling it with pictures. I'm actually filling the rest of my empty walls with pictures, mirrors, and art. That is something I can fix. I can make the walls look less like they are empty.

Too many questions

I don't know if I can continue on this path and stay true to me.

I am realizing more and more that I do not fit into any specific box. I think that is the scariest part for me. There is no where I fully belong. My values and beliefs do not completely align with anything already established. So what do I do?

Blessings are all around. We just have to be aware enough to recognize them

People who enjoy their jobs are blessed. Usually I am one of the people but something about January is making me feel blah and annoyed at work. The other day I was sulking about having to work. I semi prayed/wished that something would get me through this wretched day. Then I had a conversation with a coworker and found out some information about him I didn't know before. We connected and I feel like we formed a bond. I love connecting with people. It is the best feeling. Then I got to hold a baby. So pretty much the day ended up being amazing.

It is the little moments that make me the happiest. Those moments aren't necessarily the most earth shattering but they are the most satisfying. The little moments are what sustain me.

I've been thinkin bout somethin other than you

I know I know, but I love them and this song is so catchy and true :)

Goodbye 2010

Thinking back on 2010 the word that best encapsulates the past year is struggle. This past year has really made me question who I am and my beliefs. I was betrayed by two friends and let go of those friendships for good. I have questioned myself more than ever and for the first time in a long time I am unsure with my decisions. I do not know which path is the right one.

* This next year I want to continue to grow. I want to let go of the timeline I've created for my life.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us" ~joseph campbell

* I want to travel more. Hopefully this year I will be going to Spain, Portugal, and Canada. Related to this goal is another one I have for this year which is to do what scares me. I find that I often say no to things because I am scared. So I want to say yes more often this year.

* I want to let go of the emotions and hurt feelings from my broken friendships. I want to be at a place where I can look back on the good times fondly and wish they well. I want to be done with them entirely and that can't happen until I let go of the emotions attached to them.

Hopefully by accomplishing these goals in 2011 I will create a better year for myself.