I myspaced him.
The only thing worse is googling him (nothing comes up I tried....).
When I looked at him posing oh so casually on a bed with one arm out of frame, I realized that I had no emotional connection to his face. I haven't seen him in almost 2 years. The images and the pain attached to him aren't attached to his face. They are attached to his memory. I still wanted to message him and tell him to go jerk off a whale. But I didn't.