To love at all...

I'm feeling lonely tonight. Today a friend told me I was strong. That's always been my job. I am the strong one.

I'll tell you a secret. I don't feel very strong right now. I want to give in. I want to feel the great things I know I'll feel if I do give in. I want to do what will make me happy in the moment. I don't want to think about the future. I don't want to think about how I will feel later. I just want it. I want someone to lean on when I don't feel like being the strong one.

I'm watching Glee and I really love the songs tonight.

"A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sittin' there

But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight"

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. ”

— C.S. Lewis

Even after all this time

The sun never says

to the Earth

"you owe me"

Look what happens

with a love like that.

It lights the whole sky.

~hafiz

"Nothing yields more pleasure and content to the soul than when it finds that which it may love fervently, for to love and live beloved is the soul's paradise, both here and in heaven.

~John Winthrop

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

W.B. Yeats