Have patience

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves...
Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now,
because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday far in the future,
you will gradually, without even noticing it,
live your way into the answer.

~Rainer Maria Rilke


Just a little something on the back cover of my Lent devotional.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

~Pablo Neruda

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." Oscar Wilde

"Love has its own time, its own season, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you."Kent Nerburn

I quit

I'm done with being an adult.

I want to go back to the days when I wanted to be a hairdresser. When I thought I was rich because I had a dollar. When a hug from my mom could cure any cut or scrape. When boys were just kids I would chase around the playground. When disappointment was what I felt when the ice cream store was closed. Back when I had plenty of time to play outside, read books, and write.

Actual conversation

Friend: "I better call my boyfriend so he doesn't freak out and start drinking. Whenever I don't answer or call him back right away he thinks I'm cheating on him and gets drunk. He can't help it."

1. Who in their right mind would want to deal with that? Can you say major emotional issues?
2. He can help it.
3. DRINKING PROBLEM!

I need to meet some fellow strong independent woman who don't settle for losers. I feel like such an oddity. I won't put up with someone who isn't secure in themselves. I am done trying to save men. It is not worth it. I understand why someone would but there comes a time when you have to decide if all the effort is worth it. Do you want to be miserable or happy? Take charge of your life. Start by surrounding yourself with people who lift you up. You are the only person who can make your life into what you want. Rant over.

Crushed and created

Crushed and Created
By Caitlyn Smith


Looking back on the things that found me
Places I would never choose
The same things that both haunt and heal
My demons and my muse

We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake

And there are times that I've underestimated
Both the grief and goodness found in something new
Where one thing dies, something else can be created
And though it's truth you find, it's innocence you lose

We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake

I'm not the me that I started with
My friends say my eyes are brighter
I'm not the me that I started with
I'm freer, and I'm wiser, and I'm stronger

We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake

Musings.

The wierdest thoughts pop into my head when I am supposed to be doing something. Case in point, I'm in the middle of Philosophy class when the thought pops into my head. "I wonder what other peoples driving forces are?"

Mine is the desire to help people and make the world a better place. I don't know how I'm going to do that yet. The world is pretty big and needs a lot of help. I get overwhelmed with all the possibilities and ways I could HELP THE WORLD.

What if I started small? What if I actively tried to make the lives of the people around me better? What if I just tried to be the best person I could be? I'm sure I'll make mistakes and react with anger more than once. It's the thought that counts right?

and now these three remain...

I'm on a quest for my faith.