Friend: "I better call my boyfriend so he doesn't freak out and start drinking. Whenever I don't answer or call him back right away he thinks I'm cheating on him and gets drunk. He can't help it."
1. Who in their right mind would want to deal with that? Can you say major emotional issues?
2. He can help it.
3. DRINKING PROBLEM!
I need to meet some fellow strong independent woman who don't settle for losers. I feel like such an oddity. I won't put up with someone who isn't secure in themselves. I am done trying to save men. It is not worth it. I understand why someone would but there comes a time when you have to decide if all the effort is worth it. Do you want to be miserable or happy? Take charge of your life. Start by surrounding yourself with people who lift you up. You are the only person who can make your life into what you want. Rant over.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Crushed and created
Crushed and Created
By Caitlyn Smith
Looking back on the things that found me
Places I would never choose
The same things that both haunt and heal
My demons and my muse
We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake
And there are times that I've underestimated
Both the grief and goodness found in something new
Where one thing dies, something else can be created
And though it's truth you find, it's innocence you lose
We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake
I'm not the me that I started with
My friends say my eyes are brighter
I'm not the me that I started with
I'm freer, and I'm wiser, and I'm stronger
We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake
By Caitlyn Smith
Looking back on the things that found me
Places I would never choose
The same things that both haunt and heal
My demons and my muse
We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake
And there are times that I've underestimated
Both the grief and goodness found in something new
Where one thing dies, something else can be created
And though it's truth you find, it's innocence you lose
We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake
I'm not the me that I started with
My friends say my eyes are brighter
I'm not the me that I started with
I'm freer, and I'm wiser, and I'm stronger
We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake
Musings.
The wierdest thoughts pop into my head when I am supposed to be doing something. Case in point, I'm in the middle of Philosophy class when the thought pops into my head. "I wonder what other peoples driving forces are?"
Mine is the desire to help people and make the world a better place. I don't know how I'm going to do that yet. The world is pretty big and needs a lot of help. I get overwhelmed with all the possibilities and ways I could HELP THE WORLD.
What if I started small? What if I actively tried to make the lives of the people around me better? What if I just tried to be the best person I could be? I'm sure I'll make mistakes and react with anger more than once. It's the thought that counts right?
Mine is the desire to help people and make the world a better place. I don't know how I'm going to do that yet. The world is pretty big and needs a lot of help. I get overwhelmed with all the possibilities and ways I could HELP THE WORLD.
What if I started small? What if I actively tried to make the lives of the people around me better? What if I just tried to be the best person I could be? I'm sure I'll make mistakes and react with anger more than once. It's the thought that counts right?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A fairytale
Once upon a time there lived a boy and a girl. They grew up together as the best of friends. Through the years everyone would exclaim "What a beautiful child!" whenever they saw the little girl. But she was not just beautiful. She was gentle, kind, and fair. Everyone wanted to be near her. When she became overwhelmed by all the attention the little boy would chase them all away. He told her "I am your knight. I will always be loyal to you."
The girl smiled at him and he felt brave. To the boy she was the most precious thing in his world. When the yelling would start at his house he would run over to hers. She would rub his back and tell him stories of brave princes. He so wanted to be one of the princes in her stories.
And so they grew up, side by side, until one year when the girl went away to college. The boy wasn't able to go with her so he stayed. The day before she left they met under the tree between their houses. The boy was filled with sadness. He didn't want her to leave. She told him "You've always been my protector. I'm scared to go but I know I have to. You are more precious to me than anyone else."
She gave him a picture. It was of them as children. He had a cape and a sword and she, a tiara. "Goodbye my brave knight. Don't forget me."
He held her tightly to him until she had to leave.
Without the girl, the boy was lost. It was as if the light in his life was gone. He started doing things to make himself forget the girl. He drank, he smoked, he used women's bodies. Nothing helped. He used and was used. He disappointed and was disappointed. He turned into someone he couldn't recognize. He covered the mirrors in his apartment with black sheets. Nothing mattered anymore. She wasn't there.
When the girl came back from school she went to the boy's house. She saw the bottles and the empty cartons. She tried to put her arms around him but he pushed her away.
"You left." Is all we would say to her. She tried to talk to him. To find the boy in the man who stood in front of her with sunken eyes.
"I'm not that boy anymore," the man said. "Get out."
The girl left. She walked down many streets wondering if it was all her fault. When she went back to school everyone remarked on how she had changed. Her hair was dull, her skin spotty. She had once walked the halls smiling and laughing. Now she walked with her head down and would not make eye contact. She started spending all her time at the library. She read fairy tales and children's stories, trying to figure out how to save someone. But there aren't any dragons or evil witches to fight in real life.
One day a call came. It was the boy's mother. He had been out late and crashed his car. "It's bad. Please come." The mother whispered.
The girl drove all night to the hospital. There were tubes everywhere. They had to shave his head for the surgery. He looked like the boy she remembered.
"It's a coma. They don't know when he will wake up."
The girl laid down next to the man, who looked like the little boy, and told him a story. She told him how everyone had always thought she was beautiful but she wasn't. She really was an ordinary girl. He was the one who was beautiful. She wasn't the light in his life. She was only a reflection of his. She told him she loved him. She told him she was sorry. She told him she would do anything. She would fight his dragons. She would kiss him until he awoke. She would break the spell.
When she was finished the girl went to sleep beside the boy. She held him tightly and waited for him to wake up.
*This is a very rough draft. I apologize for any erros.
The girl smiled at him and he felt brave. To the boy she was the most precious thing in his world. When the yelling would start at his house he would run over to hers. She would rub his back and tell him stories of brave princes. He so wanted to be one of the princes in her stories.
And so they grew up, side by side, until one year when the girl went away to college. The boy wasn't able to go with her so he stayed. The day before she left they met under the tree between their houses. The boy was filled with sadness. He didn't want her to leave. She told him "You've always been my protector. I'm scared to go but I know I have to. You are more precious to me than anyone else."
She gave him a picture. It was of them as children. He had a cape and a sword and she, a tiara. "Goodbye my brave knight. Don't forget me."
He held her tightly to him until she had to leave.
Without the girl, the boy was lost. It was as if the light in his life was gone. He started doing things to make himself forget the girl. He drank, he smoked, he used women's bodies. Nothing helped. He used and was used. He disappointed and was disappointed. He turned into someone he couldn't recognize. He covered the mirrors in his apartment with black sheets. Nothing mattered anymore. She wasn't there.
When the girl came back from school she went to the boy's house. She saw the bottles and the empty cartons. She tried to put her arms around him but he pushed her away.
"You left." Is all we would say to her. She tried to talk to him. To find the boy in the man who stood in front of her with sunken eyes.
"I'm not that boy anymore," the man said. "Get out."
The girl left. She walked down many streets wondering if it was all her fault. When she went back to school everyone remarked on how she had changed. Her hair was dull, her skin spotty. She had once walked the halls smiling and laughing. Now she walked with her head down and would not make eye contact. She started spending all her time at the library. She read fairy tales and children's stories, trying to figure out how to save someone. But there aren't any dragons or evil witches to fight in real life.
One day a call came. It was the boy's mother. He had been out late and crashed his car. "It's bad. Please come." The mother whispered.
The girl drove all night to the hospital. There were tubes everywhere. They had to shave his head for the surgery. He looked like the boy she remembered.
"It's a coma. They don't know when he will wake up."
The girl laid down next to the man, who looked like the little boy, and told him a story. She told him how everyone had always thought she was beautiful but she wasn't. She really was an ordinary girl. He was the one who was beautiful. She wasn't the light in his life. She was only a reflection of his. She told him she loved him. She told him she was sorry. She told him she would do anything. She would fight his dragons. She would kiss him until he awoke. She would break the spell.
When she was finished the girl went to sleep beside the boy. She held him tightly and waited for him to wake up.
*This is a very rough draft. I apologize for any erros.
Monday, January 11, 2010
In 2009 I....
*Moved out of my mom's house! A temporary situation turned into almost 2 years.
*Got a giant tax rebate for the first time in my life.
*Took a fabulous vacation to San Diego with my roomate.
*Didn't travel to see my family on the East coast for the first time since I was 6 months old.
*Saw Spring Awakening and Wicked when they came to the big city.
*Was in a wedding for two of my favorite people.
*Decided to dip my toe back in the dating pool. More on that in 2010...hopefully ;)
*Applied myself and got excellent grades which lead me too....
*Decide what I want to study and..
*Successfully transfered to a 4 year University!
*Grew closer to an old friend, thanks to a new friend :)
*Lost 30lbs!!!!!!
*Learned how to make bread from scratch. It isn't that hard.
*Went crabbing.
*Realized that I am blessed.
Bring on 2010!
*Got a giant tax rebate for the first time in my life.
*Took a fabulous vacation to San Diego with my roomate.
*Didn't travel to see my family on the East coast for the first time since I was 6 months old.
*Saw Spring Awakening and Wicked when they came to the big city.
*Was in a wedding for two of my favorite people.
*Decided to dip my toe back in the dating pool. More on that in 2010...hopefully ;)
*Applied myself and got excellent grades which lead me too....
*Decide what I want to study and..
*Successfully transfered to a 4 year University!
*Grew closer to an old friend, thanks to a new friend :)
*Lost 30lbs!!!!!!
*Learned how to make bread from scratch. It isn't that hard.
*Went crabbing.
*Realized that I am blessed.
Bring on 2010!
Love
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
A friend asked me "How do you know if you're in love?"
My answer: "You know you're in love when you want to be around the other person. You trust them completely. You find yourself doing things for them because it makes them happy. You feel a connection to them that defies all description. While love is about passion it is also about comfort. You don't have to try. You can be silent together and feel connected. Love lifts you up. It makes you strive to be better. I know that it is corny and not helpful but when you know, you know."
How do you know you are in love?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)