The truth is

I still miss you,

my friend.

Days like today catch me off guard.

The ache in my chest where your memory remains.

2011

2011 was a huge improvement from 2010. I lived by myself for a whole year, in fact I signed a new lease for the same apartment. This is the first time I've lived anywhere for more than a year my whole adult life.

I asked for a raise at work and got it. Then 5 months later I got another one.

I went to Spain!!!! My first trip to Europe! I am so glad I went but it was a very different experience than what I imagined.

I continued to do well in school.

I decided to take control of my health and I finally do not have stomach problems.

I forgave a friend and apologized to her and her husband for my part in the situation.

I learned which of my friends will truly be there for me and which ones will not and you know what that's ok. I love my friends but some are better at different things than others. Some of my friends show their love in a different ways. I just have to keep my expectations of them grounded in reality.

I turned 25! I'm not sure if it was turning 25 or traveling in Europe by myself but I feel so much more confident in myself. I feel very secure in who I am.

2011 was a year of improvements. I feel very different than I did at the beginning of the year. Nothing drastic happened to change me but I feel changed. 2011 was a slow gradual metamorphous. I hope 2012 continues in the same pattern.

If I'm being honest

I’m a dreamer. I have a hard time living in reality. Instead I live in my daydreams. That is why I have such a hard time when someone doesn’t live up to my expectations. In my head they are perfect. They say and do all the right things.

I’m impatiently waiting for the one who will be even better than what I have imagined.

Truth #2

Seduce my mind and you can have my body,

Find my soul and I'm yours forever.

~ by Anonymous ~

Secret #4

*I am happy most of the day. I can feel the happiness swell in my heart. Sometimes I am overcome with just how wonderful the world is, how amazing my life is, and all the wonderful things I have. To come to this after years of overwhelming sadness is the best gift I have ever been given.

*Now if I feel sadness or stress I know that these emotions are fleeting and they will pass. I suppose this new realization is part of growing older. I like it.

From one of my favorite albums

I remember when you filled my heart with joy
Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space
Cuz now you have no interest in anything that I have to say
I've allowed you to make me feel I feel so dumb
What kind of fool am I you so easily set me aside

You made a fool of me tell me why
You say that you don't care but we made love tell me why
You made a fool of me
You made a fool of me

I want to kiss you
Does she want you with the pain that I do
Smell you in my dreams
But now when we're face to face
You won't look me in the eye no time no friendship no love
You say don't touch you
I can't touch you no more
Can't touch you anymore
Anymore

You made a fool of me tell me why tell me why
You say that you don't care but we made love tell me why tell me why
You made a fool of me tell me why babe tell me why such a fool
You made a fool of me a fool of me tell me why tell me why

Secret #3

*I want a man who will take care of me. I want someone strong both in mind and body. I am a peaceful person and I want my man to also work for peace but when push comes to shove I want someone who will protect me.