It's the small things

It's things I love Monday! I had such a great weekend. The happiness has carried over to make my Monday extra fantastic. I love that every Monday I want to include my friends on the list. Let's just assume my friends are the unsaid 6th thing :)

This Monday I love....

1. Vicodin. Oh how I love thee. I stretched/pinched a nerve in my back on Thursday. The lovely doctor at Urgent Care prescribed me an anti- inflammatory and this wonderful pill. Though it did give me a false sense of health and I'm pretty sure I overdid it this weekend.

2. How things are coming to me without being asked. I keep having questions and they keeping being answered in the most unexpected ways.

3. The first of the month because all the magazines come out! I love days when I get all my magazine subscriptions in the mail. It hasn't happened yet, hmpf. Hey magazine companies! I'm stuck lying in bed so send me my magazines!

4. Tori and Dean. While I was laying in bed today I discovered this show. It was a marathon today. I am so addicted to this show now. I refused to watch it for years. Lets blame it on the drugs.

5. Happy songs. Such as this one. Love.

Books!

Lauren has a lovely blog over at http://thelittlethingswedo.blogspot.com/

She has a fill in the blanks Friday and I am playing along this week. If you hop on over to her blog you can to. We both agree on #1

1. My favorite book growing up was : The Little House series and the Anne of Green Gables series. Actually any of Lucy Maude Montgomery's books. I loved Avonlea. In fact, I want to name my daughter that.

2. The funniest book I've ever read was: Anything by Laurie Notaro. She is hilarious.

3. The one book that has truly changed my life is: Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block. This book spoke to me on so many levels. It is a book about love, life, the awkwardness of not fitting in but mostly it is about love.

4. If you're looking for a real "tear jerker" you should probably read: Dear John. I have never cried during a book but I sobbed during this one. Ohhhh Where the Red Fern Grows made me cry also.

5. If I could meet any author living or dead I would want to meet: Alice Hoffman. I love her books.

6. The next book on my "to read" list is: A problem from hell: America and the Age of Genocide by Samantha Powell. It's not a happy story but it is fascinating.

7. If I was snowed into remote cabin in the woods and could only choose three books to bring with me I'd bring : Love Walked In by Melissa De Los Santos, The Bible- my style, Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block

I am stuck in bed trying to recover from whatever I did to my back yesterday. The hardest thing in the world for me to do is to lay around. I feel like such a lump. I have to take it easy today for as long as I can because I have to work 9 hours at work today. My back does feel a bit better so I am crossing my fingers it won't seize up again. I'm also carrying some extra strength pain killers. I am too young for this!

I have been stressing lately because of my to do list. It isn't a small one either. It is filled with some incredibly big things.

1. Find a new apartment in a different city before June 20th.

2. Find a new job in same city so I don't have to commute to my current job. Also, I am hating my current job and I need a change.

3. Tell my parents about some a fantastic decision I have made for myself that they will not like or approve of.

4. Find out how to best help my sister. She is so full of anger/rage and is not dealing with it in a good way. I don't think coming home for the summer will change anything. I don't think my mom is taking this as seriously as she should. My sister almost got evicted. My sister refuses to talk to my dad so I am trying to decide if I need to tell him what is going on. He used to be an anger management counselor so he would be the best person to deal with it. But how do I do that without my sister and mother feeling like I betrayed my sister's trust? Is it worth it? Would it only create more trouble?

Any suggestions would be awesome. I am feeling a little overwhelmed at everything I have to do but at the same time I have a sense of peace. I am working hard and I know that somehow it will all be taken care of. Well everything except #4. I am at a loss with that one.

Things that I love the list edition

So I didn't post a Things I love Monday list last week. Meh, it's my blog. So here is a list of things that I love.

1. Being busy. I like have structure to my day. There's nothing I dislike more than a day with nothing planned. This week I have really outdone myself. I'm pretty proud that I have managed to fit in time with awesome friends.

2. Learning. I love school though I may not always like homework. There is nothing more exciting to me than picking out classes arranging my schedule and buying new notebooks. Next term I'm taking Constitutional Law, Causes of War, Biology, and French, and I might take one more class. I'm not sure yet. That may be too much for me.

3. Road trips, but not just road trips. I love driving on a sunny day with the windows down and some good music on. I'm going to the beach with a friend on Saturday and I can't wait. I really hope it's sunny.

4. Sleep. I have been sorely lacking sleep this week. There is too much going on in my life that is keeping me up. I wish I had an off button for my brain.

5. Books. I am in the middle of The Poison Wood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. It is really fascinating. I really enjoy her writing style.

Well my dears, I hope your Monday was enjoyable and if not I hope your Tuesday is much better.

To love at all...

I'm feeling lonely tonight. Today a friend told me I was strong. That's always been my job. I am the strong one.

I'll tell you a secret. I don't feel very strong right now. I want to give in. I want to feel the great things I know I'll feel if I do give in. I want to do what will make me happy in the moment. I don't want to think about the future. I don't want to think about how I will feel later. I just want it. I want someone to lean on when I don't feel like being the strong one.

I'm watching Glee and I really love the songs tonight.

"A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sittin' there

But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight"

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. ”

— C.S. Lewis

Even after all this time

The sun never says

to the Earth

"you owe me"

Look what happens

with a love like that.

It lights the whole sky.

~hafiz

"Nothing yields more pleasure and content to the soul than when it finds that which it may love fervently, for to love and live beloved is the soul's paradise, both here and in heaven.

~John Winthrop

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

W.B. Yeats

Things I learned the hard way #38: don't live with a coworker

I'm a fairly private person. I like to keep my personal life separate from work. I started becoming friends with a coworker who also shared my view. So we decided to become roommates. I told her when we first moved in, "Please don't get a boyfriend and have him over all the time." What do you know, two weeks after we moved in together she got a boyfriend who just so happens to be someone we work with. One week after they started dating they started sleeping together and he hasn't left. I have told her twice that I do not want him to be around so much. She made excuses each time and never really did anything about it. I HATE having him at my house all the time. I am never comfortable. I did not sign up to live with a couple. Plus he's a giant loser. I mean, the guy stopped going to school in the 7th grade. Yeah. I know.

Now my roommate is dating someone from work, they only ever hang out with people from work, and they only ever talk about work. I hate it. I can never get away from work! I can't come home and relax because he's there All the time.

Guess where they went on vacation. Vegas. A coworker told me that the boyfriend mentioned how they've thought about getting married in Vegas. $100 bucks says they come back married. I'm not moving out for another 2 months. It's quite possible my head will explode before then.

Things I love Monday

Mondays suck. I think we can all agree on that. It is the start to another work/school week. The memory of the weekend is still with us and when the alarm clock goes off all we want to do is burrow back under the covers. Well at least I do.

I've decided to focus on things that I love every Monday. Hopefully that will make my Mondays better. So without further ado.... today I am loving my friends! I really do have the best friends ever. They sat up with me until 4 or 5 in the morning after my catastrophic (at the time) breakup. They listened to me talk about him and analyze for hours what went wrong. I so owe them.

I've always thought of myself as a girls girl. I never had guy friends growing up. Little did I know that one of my best friends would be a dude. He's the kind of guy who will stay up late with me when I can't sleep even if it means he wont get much sleep, again. He opens doors for me and pretty much never lets me pay when we go out. He is there every week as I explore a new path that he has already taken. He gives me as many hugs as I want and sends them to me over text. He is so brave and strong both physically and mentally. He inspires me with his dedication to whatever he does. He is one of the greatest men I have ever met. I hope he knows how amazing he is.

I've had this one friend, lets call her H, since I was 5. That was almost 19 years ago. Oh boy. The great thing about our relationship is that we've experienced everything together. We know each others history as well as we know our own. We've been through first loves, first losses, the divorce of both sets of our parents, our own battles with depression, a huge court case, college, growing up, first real jobs, first real relationships, realizing we are going to be just like our mothers. We have lived apart for the last 6 years and every time we see each other it's like no time has passed. She is my favorite person to talk about hard subjects with because I know she will be honest. I'm honest with her as well. She is so smart and makes such good choices. She is fiercely independent and I so admire that about her.

My Melo-yellow is the most caring person I know. She is affectionate and loving. I love her hugs. I can always count on her for support in whatever I do. She is my cheerleader and my advice giver. She always tells me to go for it. I love that she finds me hilarious. I love that we can do anything together and have a great time. After a break up I was at work and really sad. We 4 stores away in the same mall. I walked down to where she was working for some comfort. We sat down on the couch and she let me put my head on her shoulder. It was such a small thing but it is still a moment I cherish. I don't think words can do it justice. I am so happy she found the love of her life (He's totally the male version of me).